1
00:00:42,790 --> 00:00:46,830
- I don't believe it! When did this arrive?
- This morning.

2
00:00:47,075 --> 00:00:48,515
Well, why didn't you let
me know sooner?

3
00:00:48,550 --> 00:00:50,979
I couldn't get in touch with yer.
You've been out all morning.

4
00:00:51,014 --> 00:00:53,118
I thought you
might have popped home for elevenses.

5
00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:56,494
I've told you before, Unc?
Elevenses is for wimps.

6
00:00:57,238 --> 00:01:01,709
I'm out there on that yuppy tightrope,
nerves on red alert.

7
00:01:02,137 --> 00:01:04,291
A beta-blocker and a
dream, that's me.

8
00:01:04,775 --> 00:01:08,252
I eat on the move, mobile phone in
one hand, a Pot Noodle in the other.

9
00:01:08,449 --> 00:01:10,157
I tried to get you on your
mobile phone.

10
00:01:10,192 --> 00:01:13,083
That's why Del ended up
with an earful of noodles.

11
00:01:13,692 --> 00:01:16,254
Oh look, the boy from the
blackstuff's woken up!

12
00:01:16,608 --> 00:01:19,196
Look, just 'cos I'm out of
work, there's no need to rub it in!

13
00:01:19,381 --> 00:01:23,265
For all you know my recent misfortunes
could herald a watershed in my life

14
00:01:23,476 --> 00:01:25,105
and I could go
on to greater things.

15
00:01:25,140 --> 00:01:30,231
Oh yes! You've broken up
with your wife, walked out on your lovely home,

16
00:01:30,266 --> 00:01:34,265
you resigned from a highly
paid job and pulled the chain on your career.

17
00:01:34,421 --> 00:01:37,121
That's just the
springboard you need for the future, innit?

18
00:01:37,654 --> 00:01:38,924
Something'll turn up.

19
00:01:39,094 --> 00:01:44,824
That's what General Custer said! And something did
turn up! Another load of bloody Indians!

20
00:01:45,087 --> 00:01:47,589
You should be giving Rodney
some encouragement.

21
00:01:48,803 --> 00:01:50,899
I'm worried about him,
ain't I?

22
00:01:50,934 --> 00:01:55,228
A few months ago, there he was
cash on the hip and a glowing future.

23
00:01:55,263 --> 00:02:00,000
Now he's skint and the only thing about him
that's glowing is his liver!

24
00:02:00,311 --> 00:02:02,962
What happened to that golden handshake
he got from the printing firm?

25
00:02:04,744 --> 00:02:10,126
He kissed that all up against the wall, didn't he?
Blew it on Cuba libres and lairy suits.

26
00:02:10,161 --> 00:02:12,284
I don't believe this git!

27
00:02:12,576 --> 00:02:17,392
He has the audacity to sit here moralising with
me whilst holding a letter from the magistrates' court

28
00:02:17,427 --> 00:02:19,617
saying his case has
been brought forward!

29
00:02:20,989 --> 00:02:23,209
Everyone goes to court once in their life.

30
00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:26,589
Once?
They've given you yer own parking space!

31
00:02:27,136 --> 00:02:28,756
Don't change the
subject, Rodney!

32
00:02:28,791 --> 00:02:34,271
I think what Del's trying to say is: for the last
month or so you've been living back at the flat.

33
00:02:34,306 --> 00:02:37,962
In the past that was alright,
but now Raquel is pregnant.

34
00:02:40,058 --> 00:02:46,640
Notices and all, innit?
See that lump? That's my embryo.

35
00:02:52,021 --> 00:02:56,041
You see Rodney? See what I mean?
In a couple of months time, there'll be no space in the flat.

36
00:02:56,402 --> 00:02:57,787
She's gonna be that big, is she?

37
00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:02,841
What I mean is, we need that room of yours
for  nursery.

38
00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:05,933
So this is an ideal time for you to go
out and find yer own bachelor pad.

39
00:03:05,933 --> 00:03:08,221
He's waiting for the
council to offer him something.

40
00:03:08,595 --> 00:03:12,311
Oh, yeah? Well, we can have
a combined party then, can't we, eh?

41
00:03:12,479 --> 00:03:15,328
Rodney's house-warming and
my son's 21st!

42
00:03:15,941 --> 00:03:20,488
For your information, Derek, the council phoned
this morning with an offer of accommodation.

43
00:03:20,658 --> 00:03:21,462
No! Really?

44
00:03:21,497 --> 00:03:23,550
It's true, Del. I was
there when he got the call.

45
00:03:23,585 --> 00:03:25,399
Well, that's terrific news.
Well done, bruv.

46
00:03:25,758 --> 00:03:30,503
- They've offered me an LDA.
- An LDA! Well, that can't be bad, can it?

47
00:03:30,930 --> 00:03:32,276
I'm viewing it this afternoon.

48
00:03:34,461 --> 00:03:35,814
If you want any furniture...

49
00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:40,598
Young Towser's doing a very nice
line in quality reject three-piece suites.

50
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:45,185
Could come in handy...
Del, can I ask you something?

51
00:03:45,220 --> 00:03:48,172
- Of course you can.
- What's an LDA?

52
00:03:49,195 --> 00:03:50,605
I don't know.

53
00:03:51,663 --> 00:03:53,347
It's an abbreviation
for something.

54
00:03:53,719 --> 00:03:56,766
I know it's an abbreviation
for something! But what?

55
00:03:57,327 --> 00:04:02,638
L-D-A. Maybe it stands for
Luxury Detached Abode?

56
00:04:02,937 --> 00:04:07,246
Yes! It could do.
I doubt it, but it could do, yeah.

57
00:04:07,450 --> 00:04:09,488
Listen, I'll get us some more drinks,
alright?

58
00:04:09,523 --> 00:04:12,754
Not for me. I'd better go home and change.
I'm meeting the council mush in an hour.

59
00:04:12,789 --> 00:04:14,812
Good luck, bruv.

60
00:04:22,972 --> 00:04:26,055
-  Mike, be nice of you...
- Hang on a minute, Del.

61
00:04:26,758 --> 00:04:30,141
- So you thought of a name yet?
- No! It's too early for that.

62
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:33,745
It's best to sort it out early.
Saves rows later.

63
00:04:34,729 --> 00:04:38,156
- OK, Mike, could you give us...
- Hang on a minute, Del.

64
00:04:40,098 --> 00:04:43,365
- So how's this gonna affect your career then?
- What career?

65
00:04:43,756 --> 00:04:46,157
I thought you was an
actress and a singer and all that.

66
00:04:46,323 --> 00:04:52,337
Yeah. Well, I think in my condition I'll put my
career on hold for a while. Like 15 years or so.

67
00:04:52,616 --> 00:04:55,650
That reminds me. You know
the Down By The Riverside Club?

68
00:04:55,685 --> 00:04:59,709
Yes. I'm thinking of going down there in a minute
and get a drink! Mike, when you're ready!

69
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:02,430
I've only got one pair of
hands, mate!

70
00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:06,924
I remember the night my wife came home and she
told me she was two months pregnant.

71
00:05:06,959 --> 00:05:10,898
- I was a cocktail waiter at the time.
- Ah! It's a moment you'll never forget.

72
00:05:10,933 --> 00:05:15,264
That's right. I remember it especially, 'cos I'd just
come home from three months on a cruise ship.

73
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,459
Oh! Sorry.

74
00:05:17,872 --> 00:05:19,782
Oh no, it was a nice
cruise. Do you wanna see the snaps?

75
00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:23,500
A mate of mine from the
council's depot's singing there tonight.

76
00:05:24,790 --> 00:05:26,042
What?

77
00:05:26,751 --> 00:05:30,212
At the Down By The Riverside Club.
Tony Angelino.

78
00:05:30,499 --> 00:05:35,184
- Who?
- Tony Angelino. That's his stage name.

79
00:05:35,432 --> 00:05:42,446
Sounds terrific that, Trig. A few drinks, scampi
in a basket and the singing road-sweeper. Cushty.

80
00:05:43,065 --> 00:05:45,281
He's not a road-sweeper!
He's on the dust.

81
00:05:45,316 --> 00:05:48,230
Oh well!
That's the difference, innit? Sorry!

82
00:05:48,538 --> 00:05:51,321
He sung there once before,
about six years ago.

83
00:05:51,356 --> 00:05:53,231
Really?
He's back by popular demand then, is he?

84
00:05:53,846 --> 00:05:59,403
Yeah. He's got a terrific voice. He's gonna be a big
star one day. Fancy coming down there tonight?

85
00:06:00,829 --> 00:06:04,628
- What you hoping for then Del?
- The same again when you're ready - if I can get my order in!

86
00:06:04,967 --> 00:06:09,881
- I'm talking about the baby.
- Oh. Why don't you say so, that is different.

87
00:06:09,916 --> 00:06:11,168
It's gotta be a boy, ain't he?

88
00:06:11,606 --> 00:06:14,594
- How do you know? It might be a girl.
- No, no. I know it's gonna be a boy.

89
00:06:14,629 --> 00:06:18,112
Don't you forget, you can hold
a very nice wedding reception up above here.

90
00:06:20,498 --> 00:06:22,331
Come on, let's sit down over there
sweetheart.

91
00:06:22,634 --> 00:06:24,294
Have you told any of your
family about it?

92
00:06:24,329 --> 00:06:28,698
- I've written to my parents.
- I was thinking more about your husband.

93
00:06:31,898 --> 00:06:34,718
My solicitor's still trying
to trace his whereabouts.

94
00:06:34,753 --> 00:06:37,545
We've been apart now for
seven years so divorce'll be no problem.

95
00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:41,591
Well, when that comes
through we'll get hitched.

96
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:45,254
- Sorry?
- We'll tie the knot.

97
00:06:46,067 --> 00:06:47,472
But I might not want to
marry you.

98
00:06:49,712 --> 00:06:51,901
What do you mean, you might
not wanna marry me? Come on, don't be silly.

99
00:06:51,936 --> 00:06:54,008
I'm not being silly! You
haven't even asked me.

100
00:06:54,043 --> 00:06:58,033
I know that! Well you're...
You're in the old... you know.

101
00:06:58,068 --> 00:07:00,928
Where I come from action speaks
louder than words.

102
00:07:02,037 --> 00:07:04,691
Would you keep me in the
style that I've become accustomed to?

103
00:07:04,726 --> 00:07:07,223
- Of course I would.
- Well, there's no way I'm marrying you then!

104
00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:11,805
Come on Raquel!
We'll have a blinding future together.

105
00:07:12,492 --> 00:07:13,587
Are we?

106
00:07:14,494 --> 00:07:17,958
I can see it now. Everything's
beginning to slot into place.

107
00:07:17,993 --> 00:07:20,945
I've got pots and plans
bubbling away.

108
00:07:20,980 --> 00:07:23,684
I've got a meeting in half
an hour's with an old mate of mine

109
00:07:23,719 --> 00:07:26,114
he runs one of these
dinner and dance clubs, you know.

110
00:07:26,149 --> 00:07:30,585
I think he wants to buy them 300 packets
of crisps I've got in the garage.

111
00:07:35,769 --> 00:07:43,052
He's playing our song... badly.
Everything is going well.

112
00:07:43,580 --> 00:07:47,087
Gonna have a lovely future.
This time next year I'm gonna be a millionaire.

113
00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:53,252
- Alright then, I accept.
- Good girl! You know it makes sense.

114
00:07:56,901 --> 00:07:59,793
Maybe tomorrow we could go
out and buy an engagement ring?

115
00:07:59,828 --> 00:08:02,164
No, I can't tomorrow, darling.
I'm in court.

116
00:08:17,174 --> 00:08:18,521
How is it going, pal?

117
00:08:19,063 --> 00:08:23,878
Talk about Marley's ghost!
Del Boy! You're looking prosperous.

118
00:08:23,913 --> 00:08:27,575
Yeah, can't complain.
Well, I do, but no one listens.

119
00:08:29,593 --> 00:08:32,658
I've heard good things about you, Del.
You're making your mark in the parish.

120
00:08:32,693 --> 00:08:36,022
I'm pleased for you.
I like to hear about people doing well.

121
00:08:36,776 --> 00:08:39,068
Last time I saw you,
you was really struggling.

122
00:08:39,839 --> 00:08:42,883
You was driving round in some shitty
little three-wheeled van.

123
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:51,258
Those were the days, eh? Actually
I still got that three-wheeled van.

124
00:08:51,258 --> 00:08:54,453
Nostalgia.
I use it just for bussiness.

125
00:08:54,677 --> 00:08:58,095
What's yer main motor, now Delboy?
Some sort of sports coupe, is it?

126
00:08:58,337 --> 00:09:05,233
Yeah, something like that.
How long ago was it since we last met? 5-6 years?

127
00:09:05,268 --> 00:09:06,503
That long, is it?

128
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:11,357
- Just after we had that little misunderstanding.
- I don't remember that.

129
00:09:11,392 --> 00:09:15,875
Yes you do. You said I'd done
you out of 500 quid.

130
00:09:16,172 --> 00:09:17,900
Well, you did, didn't you?

131
00:09:18,678 --> 00:09:22,752
No, no. I told you at the time.
It was just a misunderstanding.

132
00:09:23,565 --> 00:09:27,448
Yeah, well. We'll best let
sleeping dogs lie, ain't we Del?

133
00:09:27,449 --> 00:09:31,331
Yeah, that's it.
It's all in the past, innit, eh?

134
00:09:33,666 --> 00:09:37,429
Well, I must say,
this is a very very nice place.

135
00:09:37,464 --> 00:09:39,099
Yeah, it's doing some
business as well.

136
00:09:39,134 --> 00:09:42,993
Cushty! Very pleased to hear it.

137
00:09:42,993 --> 00:09:47,334
Anyway! What d'you wanna talk to me about?
You left a message for me on my answer-machine.

138
00:09:47,637 --> 00:09:49,923
- I thought it was your uncle.
- Same thing.

139
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,412
That's good.
I could do a bit of this.

140
00:09:59,508 --> 00:10:00,955
Got a bit of a problem, Del.

141
00:10:02,865 --> 00:10:06,820
Tomorrow night the club's been booked
for a birthday party. Cabaret, all the exes.

142
00:10:07,412 --> 00:10:10,512
I had a young singing duo booked in,
but they've let me down at the last minute.

143
00:10:11,297 --> 00:10:13,052
I've phoned round all the
agents.

144
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,196
That's what I've been
offered so far.

145
00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:21,229
Looks alright to me.

146
00:10:21,264 --> 00:10:25,813
No good to me Del. I need a singer.
Someone who knows what they're doing.

147
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,942
Now I heard recently that you was
living with some bird

148
00:10:28,977 --> 00:10:30,759
who used to do a bit of
nightclub singing.

149
00:10:30,953 --> 00:10:35,545
Raquel? Yeah, she used to do some singing.
Mind you, she packed it in ages ago.

150
00:10:35,712 --> 00:10:37,404
Would she fancy coming out
of retirement for one night?

151
00:10:37,439 --> 00:10:40,290
No, she can't Eric.
She's three months pregnant.

152
00:10:40,325 --> 00:10:43,139
It's hardly hod-carrying, Del.
She only gotta sing four or five songs.

153
00:10:44,186 --> 00:10:49,284
She was telling me about this terrible nervous
tension she suffers from before she goes on stage.

154
00:10:49,554 --> 00:10:50,998
I couldn't put her
through that.

155
00:10:51,257 --> 00:10:55,125
It's a shame, Del. I've got a contract here
waiting to be signed by someone.

156
00:10:56,784 --> 00:10:59,027
I'm sorry, I'd liked
to have helped you pal, but...

157
00:10:59,319 --> 00:11:03,952
Raquel's given the business up. It's her life.
I can't go interfering with her wishes.

158
00:11:05,079 --> 00:11:09,808
I'd have made it worth her while.
600 quid for one night's work ain't to be sneezed at.

159
00:11:10,778 --> 00:11:12,774
She'll need a backing group!

160
00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:16,417
What d'you mean you
promised him?

161
00:11:16,452 --> 00:11:18,785
What could I do, sweetheart?
It's a mate in trouble.

162
00:11:18,820 --> 00:11:20,651
I don't care who it is, Del!
I'm not doing it!

163
00:11:20,686 --> 00:11:23,831
- Look, I gave him your word.
- Well, you had no right to!

164
00:11:23,866 --> 00:11:25,793
But it's 300 quid, Raquel!

165
00:11:25,828 --> 00:11:28,152
I don't care how much it is, Derek!
I'm not doing it!

166
00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:32,767
Raquel,
Eric's in dead lumber.

167
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:37,717
He's gone through all the agents,
he even showed me the list he was offered.

168
00:11:38,050 --> 00:11:45,783
He was offered 12 strippers, 18 blue comedians,
a speciality dog act and Lionel Blair.

169
00:11:47,046 --> 00:11:48,207
So what's wrong with that?

170
00:11:48,242 --> 00:11:51,911
Nothing's wrong with that, sweetheart.
It's just that Eric wants you!

171
00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:54,300
But she's three months pregnant.

172
00:11:56,395 --> 00:12:00,447
I know that, but I'm not asking her to do any belly-dancing,
or annything like that, am I?

173
00:12:00,482 --> 00:12:02,546
Just to sing a couple of songs,
that's all.

174
00:12:02,581 --> 00:12:06,093
Anyway, it doesn't notice, does it?
Turn round for us, sweetheart.

175
00:12:06,128 --> 00:12:10,856
There you are, you see? Look at that.
You've got a lovely figure and a beautiful voice.

176
00:12:10,891 --> 00:12:13,302
And that is a gift, and that should be shared
with the world.

177
00:12:13,337 --> 00:12:18,401
Or a bunch of drunks in the Starlite Rooms!
Del, I've never sung in a real nightclub before!

178
00:12:18,436 --> 00:12:21,899
Yes you have. What about that poster you showed us
when you was top of the bill

179
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:25,082
with Otis Redding at the Talk of the Town,
London.

180
00:12:25,333 --> 00:12:29,026
It was Laurie London
at the Talk of the Town, Reading.

181
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:33,835
Well, same thing, innit?

182
00:12:34,553 --> 00:12:40,889
No, it is not! That was the one and only time I've
ever appeared alone on stage. It was a nightmare.

183
00:12:41,070 --> 00:12:44,408
I forgot the words, I forgot the tune,
it was just a nightmare!

184
00:12:44,596 --> 00:12:47,826
People actually cheered when they
announced last orders.

185
00:12:48,093 --> 00:12:51,005
The only other time I've been
on stage has been in a double act.

186
00:12:51,167 --> 00:12:54,290
I was with the magician, the Great
Ramondo. I was in that duo, Double Cream.

187
00:12:54,325 --> 00:12:56,635
See, I don't mind that. There's someone
there to support you.

188
00:12:56,670 --> 00:13:00,129
- Someone there to share the blame.
- Well, I'll get someone to sing along with ya!

189
00:13:00,164 --> 00:13:02,481
It's not as simple as that!

190
00:13:02,727 --> 00:13:06,233
You've got to get to know each other,
rehearse,

191
00:13:06,510 --> 00:13:09,781
find out whether we can harmonise
and whether we're even compatible.

192
00:13:09,816 --> 00:13:12,831
- We'll do all that and all!
- When's the show?

193
00:13:12,866 --> 00:13:16,509
- Tomorrow night.
- Tomorrow night? It's impossible!

194
00:13:16,823 --> 00:13:20,978
Look Raquel, I've got the contract,
I've signed it. Look, there you are.

195
00:13:21,013 --> 00:13:25,356
Guaranteeing I will supply the cabaret.
Thet is document. It's legal and binding.

196
00:13:25,391 --> 00:13:28,627
The Trotter International
Star Agency!

197
00:13:29,031 --> 00:13:31,102
Yeah, that's me. I've diversified.

198
00:13:31,374 --> 00:13:34,524
Why did you sign a contract
before you'd even spoken to me?

199
00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:40,105
Because I never thought that you
would let me down. Rodney, probably.

200
00:13:40,140 --> 00:13:42,837
Him, like a shot.
But you? Never.

201
00:13:43,419 --> 00:13:48,580
But still, never mind.
It's the story of my life, really.

202
00:13:50,076 --> 00:13:54,345
My old man let me down, when he walked
out and left me to fend for meself.

203
00:13:55,425 --> 00:14:01,756
Then me mum died, that weren't her fault,
but I felt that she'd let me down.

204
00:14:02,764 --> 00:14:08,176
Funny the things that go through yer mind
when you're 16 and you're just all alone.

205
00:14:08,725 --> 00:14:12,169
I think that's why I've always been
straight and up front with people.

206
00:14:12,504 --> 00:14:16,436
Because I hate the
thought of them having the feelings that I did.

207
00:14:18,078 --> 00:14:20,957
It says here they're paying
you 600 quid!

208
00:14:22,837 --> 00:14:25,587
- You mouthy git!
- You said 300.

209
00:14:27,487 --> 00:14:31,201
I know I said 300. And isn't it obvious
why I said that?

210
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:37,459
I said that because... because...

211
00:14:42,491 --> 00:14:47,956
...I knew that if Raquel thought
she was earning 600 pounds for the show...

212
00:14:47,991 --> 00:14:51,533
...that would make her even more nervous
than she is now.

213
00:14:51,568 --> 00:14:57,124
So I decided to take the sting out of it,
soften the edges, relieve the pressure,

214
00:14:57,500 --> 00:15:00,238
by telling her it was only worth 300 quid.

215
00:15:02,849 --> 00:15:04,325
Thank you.

216
00:15:05,825 --> 00:15:08,409
- That means you'll do it for me, sweetheart?
- But who will I be singing with?

217
00:15:08,444 --> 00:15:11,666
Don't you worry about that.
I won't put you wrong. You trust me.

218
00:15:12,949 --> 00:15:16,727
We'll go through all my LPs,
and make a list of classic hits for you to sing.

219
00:15:16,762 --> 00:15:20,939
But these songs have gotta have musical
arrangements. We need a pianist.

220
00:15:20,974 --> 00:15:24,282
Well, that's no problem, is it?
Albert!

221
00:15:24,797 --> 00:15:25,285
Yes, Del?

222
00:15:25,949 --> 00:15:30,028
Go and fetch the Yellow Pages,
we'll find a musician.

223
00:15:30,782 --> 00:15:34,360
- Alright?
- I'll think about it, Del.

224
00:15:34,589 --> 00:15:35,676
Cushty!

225
00:15:35,711 --> 00:15:37,623
I'm only thinking about it,
Del! No promises.

226
00:15:39,437 --> 00:15:42,706
But in the meantime
why don't you have a little practice, with your voice.

227
00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:46,098
Get it back in trim, just in case.

228
00:15:46,133 --> 00:15:51,869
Yeah. Alright, just in case.
I'm gonna make some coffee. Anyone else?

229
00:15:51,904 --> 00:15:54,226
- I'll have one, dear.
- I'll have one sweetheart, thank you.

230
00:15:57,935 --> 00:16:00,059
She's gonna knock 'em
bandy, Albert.

231
00:16:00,852 --> 00:16:09,465
<i> Do you know the way to San Jose,
I've been away so long I may go wrong and use my way.</i>

232
00:16:10,325 --> 00:16:12,408
She got a voice like an angel.

233
00:16:13,928 --> 00:16:17,557
Raquel. Sing up, darling, come on,
don't be shy.

234
00:16:23,140 --> 00:16:24,971
Lovely Jubbly!

235
00:16:27,758 --> 00:16:29,657
Raquel's singing in the
Starlite Rooms.

236
00:16:29,692 --> 00:16:33,147
Yeah? Her voice don't half
travel, don't it?

237
00:16:37,794 --> 00:16:41,120
I mean, she's in the
kitch... What's up with you?

238
00:16:41,359 --> 00:16:44,503
I've just been to view
the council's offer of accommodation.

239
00:16:44,668 --> 00:16:48,740
And you were right, LDA does not stand
for Luxury Detached Abode.

240
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:50,144
I had a feeling.

241
00:16:50,179 --> 00:16:54,373
LDA stands for Low Demand
Accommodation.

242
00:16:54,408 --> 00:16:55,729
What's that, then?

243
00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:57,922
It's a place where no one
else wants to live!

244
00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,591
What they like?

245
00:16:59,626 --> 00:17:01,865
They're like this!

246
00:17:02,476 --> 00:17:04,682
You saucy git!

247
00:17:05,719 --> 00:17:08,831
This place... I'll have you know that...

248
00:17:11,896 --> 00:17:14,437
Raquel, turn the noise down,
will ya!

249
00:17:15,144 --> 00:17:17,360
We can't hear ourselves
a thing out here!

250
00:17:18,860 --> 00:17:23,339
You should have seen this place they offered me.
It looked like a time-share apartment on Albert Square.

251
00:17:24,227 --> 00:17:26,302
- Did you take it?
- Of course I didn't!

252
00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:28,962
Well, you've gotta find a
place of your own soon, Rodney.

253
00:17:28,997 --> 00:17:31,240
A few months from now
she'll be dropping a kiddie.

254
00:17:31,275 --> 00:17:35,163
Yes, I know! But at the
moment the council's my only hope.

255
00:17:35,337 --> 00:17:39,942
I'm out of work and got no money coming in,
what am I supposed to do?

256
00:17:39,977 --> 00:17:43,257
I don't wish to sound brutal, Rodney,
but why don't you get another job?

257
00:17:50,368 --> 00:17:52,354
It's not that funny,
Albert!

258
00:17:53,286 --> 00:17:56,564
With my history the only chance
I've got of getting future employment

259
00:17:56,599 --> 00:17:58,895
is to go out and get me own
window-cleaning round.

260
00:17:58,930 --> 00:18:03,308
I'm sorry, I don't understand. You left your
previous employment of your own accord.

261
00:18:03,343 --> 00:18:05,844
You weren't sacked, you resigned.
So where's the problem?

262
00:18:05,879 --> 00:18:07,473
It's not as easy as that,
Raquel.

263
00:18:08,001 --> 00:18:09,885
Is it, Derek?

264
00:18:11,064 --> 00:18:14,666
You see, Raquel, the only real job that Rodney's had
since he left school,

265
00:18:14,701 --> 00:18:17,160
was that job he had with Cassandra's dad.

266
00:18:17,719 --> 00:18:19,550
The one resigned from.

267
00:18:20,469 --> 00:18:24,112
I thought prior to that he was a partner in
Trotters Independent Traders.

268
00:18:25,514 --> 00:18:29,310
Yes, he was. And very sorely
missed when he left.

269
00:18:29,345 --> 00:18:33,709
But you see, Trotters Independent Traders
was never what you call pukka business.

270
00:18:33,744 --> 00:18:36,391
We never actually registered
with Company House.

271
00:18:36,426 --> 00:18:38,607
and sort of keep down the 
old paper work and that.

272
00:18:38,642 --> 00:18:41,120
... and income tax and VAT.

273
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:48,602
So since he was 16 when Rodney left school,
the only job he ever had was when he was 26.

274
00:18:48,637 --> 00:18:51,484
So the only time he turned up on
the government's computers ...

275
00:18:51,519 --> 00:18:54,916
was when he got that suspended sentence for
possession of cannabis.

276
00:18:55,947 --> 00:18:57,704
And you don't fancy window
-cleaning?

277
00:18:57,739 --> 00:19:00,184
No. I don't like heights.

278
00:19:00,516 --> 00:19:02,530
Couldn't you specialise in bungalows?

279
00:19:06,506 --> 00:19:08,717
Why don't you shut up, Albert!

280
00:19:09,228 --> 00:19:11,898
Alan's bound to give
Rodney a glowing reference.

281
00:19:14,855 --> 00:19:16,522
We know that, sweetheart.

282
00:19:17,335 --> 00:19:22,479
But where's he gonna say he's been 
for the last 10 years? In the toilet?

283
00:19:23,187 --> 00:19:30,297
No, it's a great picky, Rodney.
You can't get a job doing something you like.

284
00:19:32,718 --> 00:19:36,652
Like, sort of music.
Cause you're interested in music, aren't you?

285
00:19:39,852 --> 00:19:45,487
- Even if it was a part-time job?
- Yeah, that'd do.

286
00:19:48,650 --> 00:19:51,242
Something like a road manager,
or something?

287
00:19:51,582 --> 00:19:53,860
Where am I gonna get something like that?

288
00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:57,066
You never know your luck, Rodney. 
You never know your luck.

289
00:20:51,016 --> 00:20:53,404
He's bloody good, ain't he?

290
00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:59,683
Good! He's bloody awful!

291
00:21:00,736 --> 00:21:05,480
You don't know what you're
talking about, bruv. Look at all these old dears.

292
00:21:06,375 --> 00:21:09,827
They'll be throwing their
corsets on the stage in a minute.

293
00:21:48,617 --> 00:21:51,023
Look, they love him. 

294
00:22:00,513 --> 00:22:03,880
Give us a non alcoholic lager top,
and a special for me.

295
00:22:04,974 --> 00:22:10,505
If I can just get Raquel and Tony together 
I'll be on a right winner.

296
00:22:10,951 --> 00:22:15,806
- Del, she's pregnant!
- Only just a little bit!

297
00:22:16,418 --> 00:22:18,381
You're just exploiting her, ain't yer?

298
00:22:18,382 --> 00:22:21,308
No. Au cauntraire Rodney, 
au contraire.

299
00:22:21,691 --> 00:22:24,814
She's gonna be earning out of this,
 and earning well! 

300
00:22:25,463 --> 00:22:29,249
We've all gotta earn a bit 
to bring a little bit of money into the flat.

301
00:22:30,532 --> 00:22:32,269
I reckon it's all wrong.

302
00:22:32,806 --> 00:22:34,973
It's got nothing to do with
you, is it Rodney?

303
00:22:35,492 --> 00:22:38,435
You are just my road manager 
and part-time at that!

304
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:43,319
I've explained your duties - 
you just drive 'em to rehearsals,

305
00:22:43,354 --> 00:22:46,559
make sure they get tea and sandwiches
 and sweep up afterwards.

306
00:22:47,631 --> 00:22:54,264
Am I allowed to voice an opinion or repertoire,
presentation, arrangement, interpretation?

307
00:22:57,913 --> 00:23:02,646
Right. I will do exactly what you say.
And no bloody more!

308
00:23:02,681 --> 00:23:05,137
That is the last word you will hear
from me on the subject.

309
00:23:05,190 --> 00:23:06,668
Good.

310
00:23:11,501 --> 00:23:15,448
It's old-fashioned.
Who�s' gonna pay money to watch this?

311
00:23:17,062 --> 00:23:19,027
Well, they have, for a start.

312
00:23:20,445 --> 00:23:23,911
You think that popular
music is all about the top 10.

313
00:23:24,517 --> 00:23:28,837
Well, it's not you know. 
Cause 80 per cent of the people in this country 

314
00:23:28,872 --> 00:23:31,738
they listen to what is known as 
middle of the road music. 

315
00:23:32,898 --> 00:23:35,259
That means, they listen to the gaff like this.

316
00:23:36,035 --> 00:23:40,427
When you take that Roger Whitaker
and that John Denver

317
00:23:42,071 --> 00:23:46,294
they never appear on Top Of The Pops, but they
sell millions and milions of records,

318
00:23:46,329 --> 00:23:52,622
and that is bunce, Rodney, that is serious bunce. 
And this is my chanceto get where the action is.

319
00:23:59,231 --> 00:24:09,469
I can see it now. Raquel and Tony.
They could be the new... the new Carpenters.

320
00:24:10,281 --> 00:24:12,465
- Or plumbers, or brickies.

321
00:24:12,500 --> 00:24:16,650
- Sonny and Cher.
- Chas and Dave.

322
00:24:17,112 --> 00:24:21,744
- Renee and Renato.
- Mills and Boon.

323
00:24:25,897 --> 00:24:28,560
You got that contract? 
Where is that contract?

324
00:24:31,555 --> 00:24:35,332
I don't know if it's all
legal. I ain't been trained in that sorta thing.

325
00:24:35,617 --> 00:24:39,430
You've got two GCEs, 
that is good enough for me. 

326
00:24:40,061 --> 00:24:46,188
Yes, lots of 'forthwiths and 'hereafters'.
 Lovely Jubbly.

327
00:25:14,584 --> 00:25:18,644
Thank you. Thank you so much.
You've been a wonderful audience.

328
00:25:19,249 --> 00:25:21,837
Ladies and gentlemen - Tony Angelino.

329
00:25:36,500 --> 00:25:38,511
He'll never sign that contract!

330
00:25:38,546 --> 00:25:45,611
He'll sign it, Rodney, don't you worry.
Tony, wonderful performance.

331
00:25:46,594 --> 00:25:47,569
Thanks.

332
00:25:47,604 --> 00:25:50,261
Would you mind?
Would you, please?

333
00:25:57,860 --> 00:26:02,264
- Easier than you thought, weren't it Rodney?
- I don't believe you did that!

334
00:26:02,565 --> 00:26:05,081
He who dares, Rodney.
He who dares. 

335
00:26:08,730 --> 00:26:10,387
Tony, listen.

336
00:26:11,492 --> 00:26:16,980
I've got a bit of business to discuss with you, son.
I've got some bookings for you. Are you interested?

337
00:26:17,015 --> 00:26:20,907
Yeah? Come in ere.
We can talk about it while I'm getting changed.

338
00:26:22,330 --> 00:26:24,402
Tony, can I have your autograph?

339
00:26:24,774 --> 00:26:27,193
I'll be out in a minute, honey.
Out in a minute. 

340
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:30,212
Chicks!

341
00:26:30,831 --> 00:26:32,597
What is it, a hen-party?

342
00:26:32,869 --> 00:26:34,706
No. It's the local WI (Women's Institute).

343
00:26:34,741 --> 00:26:37,601
Still,  got to keep them happy.
You know what I mean?

344
00:26:41,632 --> 00:26:46,735
My name's Derek Trotter of
the Derek Trotter International Stars Agency, Peckham.

345
00:26:46,940 --> 00:26:48,784
You can call me Del. 

346
00:26:54,070 --> 00:26:58,307
- This is my roadie, Rodney.
- What's this all about, Del?

347
00:27:00,417 --> 00:27:02,937
I am putting together a
middle-of-the-road duo.

348
00:27:02,972 --> 00:27:07,188
You and a very talented young
singer by the name of Raquel Turner.

349
00:27:07,223 --> 00:27:12,598
I've already a confirmed booking at the Starlite Rooms 
with an option on a long-term c...

350
00:27:15,466 --> 00:27:18,873
...long term contract
if you're good enough.

351
00:27:21,346 --> 00:27:24,916
You're kidding me? 
The Starlite, eh?

352
00:27:26,178 --> 00:27:28,271
I don't get many bookings.

353
00:27:33,703 --> 00:27:35,474
Have you got a manager, Tony?

354
00:27:37,336 --> 00:27:39,655
Well, you have now, son. Me.

355
00:27:58,412 --> 00:28:03,756
I can't understand how someone with your talent 
hasn't been snapped up already. Can you, Rodney?

356
00:28:03,791 --> 00:28:07,426
- Well if he...
- There you are, he's as mystified as I am!

357
00:28:07,780 --> 00:28:09,792
Noone told you anything
about me, then?

358
00:28:09,827 --> 00:28:12,098
No. Is there something I
should know?

359
00:28:12,133 --> 00:28:13,713
No, no.

360
00:28:15,302 --> 00:28:16,394
When's this booking Del?

361
00:28:16,429 --> 00:28:17,586
Tomorrow night.

362
00:28:18,886 --> 00:28:22,344
I know that you and Raquel 
have got an awful lot of work to do

363
00:28:22,379 --> 00:28:25,943
rehearsing, getting your
repertoire together and what 'ave yer.

364
00:28:26,505 --> 00:28:30,289
But I've got faith in you. 
Cause you're a pro and so is she.

365
00:28:31,088 --> 00:28:34,138
And I'm offering you 100
pound for tomorrow night.

366
00:28:36,693 --> 00:28:39,283
The most I've ever
been paid is 50 quid.

367
00:28:42,692 --> 00:28:44,934
Well, you're in the big time now,
ain't ya?

368
00:28:45,807 --> 00:28:48,629
You'll be rehearsing first
thing tomorrow morning.

369
00:28:48,899 --> 00:28:52,498
I've booked a room at the Jesse
Jackson Memorial Hall!

370
00:28:52,687 --> 00:28:57,508
I'm gonna give Rodney, your road manager, 
a list of classic hits I want you to rehearse.

371
00:28:57,919 --> 00:29:00,609
No, no. There are only a
few songs I can sing, Del.

372
00:29:01,035 --> 00:29:04,130
And that's why you don't get
any bookings.

373
00:29:04,377 --> 00:29:06,124
No, it's not that! It's
because I...

374
00:29:06,305 --> 00:29:08,489
- Because of what?
- Nothing.

375
00:29:09,391 --> 00:29:14,402
I know what your problem is son. 
You can't accept a challenge. That's what it is.

376
00:29:14,810 --> 00:29:17,964
But you've got me behind you now. 
All you got to do is trust me.

377
00:29:17,964 --> 00:29:22,138
And I'll be straight down the line with you.
No secrets, no small print. 

378
00:29:22,173 --> 00:29:27,154
All you've gotta do is trust me, Tony. 
You do you trust me, Tony, don't you?

379
00:29:28,127 --> 00:29:31,353
- Yeah. OK, Del.
- Good boy. You know it makes sense.

380
00:29:32,658 --> 00:29:35,484
- Will you be at the hall in the morning?
- No, he's in court tomorrow.

381
00:29:36,723 --> 00:29:41,234
Yes, I'm there as a witness for something.

382
00:29:42,918 --> 00:29:44,190
You want me to sign that?

383
00:29:44,225 --> 00:29:46,617
No, you've already signed it, look.

384
00:29:47,965 --> 00:29:49,656
Lovely Jubbly.

385
00:29:55,620 --> 00:29:57,503
I can't believe that was
the same bloke.

386
00:29:57,739 --> 00:30:01,508
They're all just costume props. 
They all wear 'em.

387
00:30:01,660 --> 00:30:04,833
You don't think Mr Spock's
ears are his own, do you?

388
00:30:11,776 --> 00:30:14,913
I've found him.
 I've found your singing partner.

389
00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:18,798
- He's terrific, ain't he, Rodney?
- Yeah.

390
00:30:19,207 --> 00:30:21,746
You gotta see him to
believe him, haven't you, Rodney?

391
00:30:26,119 --> 00:30:33,893
He's terrific. He's got this great voice, 
wonderful stage presence and oodles of charisma.

392
00:30:33,928 --> 00:30:37,690
This boy is gonna be a star.
And not just local, I mean he's gonna be international.

393
00:30:37,725 --> 00:30:38,990
Where d'you learn about him?

394
00:30:39,108 --> 00:30:41,659
He works forTrigger down
the council depot.

395
00:30:42,154 --> 00:30:43,517
Is that true?

396
00:30:44,713 --> 00:30:49,817
- Sean Connery, he worked on the dust.
- And is he like Sean Connery?

397
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:55,826
Well, he wears a wig. Let me get another lot of drinks.
Rodney, you give me a hand.

398
00:30:58,342 --> 00:31:02,765
Del Boy! I hear you're in
court tomorrow.

399
00:31:05,392 --> 00:31:08,021
Don't do a lot for your
yuppy image, does it?

400
00:31:08,311 --> 00:31:11,924
I don�t know. It's very trendy nowadays.
All the Big Bang boys have done a bit of stir.

401
00:31:12,656 --> 00:31:17,383
It's very fashionable in the City.
Computer fraud, insider dealings, stock manipulation.

402
00:31:17,418 --> 00:31:18,693
What you up for, Del?

403
00:31:18,728 --> 00:31:22,540
Fly-pitching. 50 quid fine
and a slap on the wrist.

404
00:31:22,575 --> 00:31:25,880
It's an occupational hazard when you're
upwardly mobile.

405
00:31:25,915 --> 00:31:28,354
I hear Raquel's up the spout? 

406
00:31:28,645 --> 00:31:32,491
Thank you very much, Boycie.
Mike can we have a round of drinks please...

407
00:31:32,526 --> 00:31:36,412
- ...and whatever poison he wants.
- Crystal, give us a round here, love. 

408
00:31:36,447 --> 00:31:38,812
Of course, it ain't easy
being a father.

409
00:31:39,131 --> 00:31:42,792
No, it must have been difficult for you 
with all them test tubes and what have you.

410
00:31:42,827 --> 00:31:45,328
I am not talking about
that, Derek!

411
00:31:45,988 --> 00:31:50,076
I mean looking after your child's welfare, 
planning for his future...

412
00:31:50,167 --> 00:31:51,377
Have you thought
about all that?

413
00:31:51,478 --> 00:31:53,359
Don't you worry about my kid Boycie, 
it'll be alright.

414
00:31:53,714 --> 00:31:58,298
Then there's the pregnancy itself.
 That can be nine months of pure hell.

415
00:31:58,333 --> 00:32:00,922
Knowing your missus Mike
I can believe it.

416
00:32:03,269 --> 00:32:06,589
Of course I was lucky.
Marlene gave birth after only eight months.

417
00:32:06,757 --> 00:32:09,526
Yeah, well they say it's
quicker by tube...

418
00:32:16,522 --> 00:32:20,251
We've just come back from The Riverside Club. 
We saw Trigger's mate there singing.

419
00:32:20,286 --> 00:32:21,610
He's terrific, ain't he, Rodney?

420
00:32:23,431 --> 00:32:26,120
Perhaps Trig could
recommend him to Eric.

421
00:32:27,332 --> 00:32:29,251
Eric? What, from the Starlite Rooms?

422
00:32:29,286 --> 00:32:32,447
Yeah, the one who don't like you. 
Something about 500 quid.

423
00:32:33,329 --> 00:32:34,796
That all in the past.

424
00:32:34,831 --> 00:32:37,574
But that man holds a grudge. 

425
00:32:37,609 --> 00:32:41,603
Anyway, he's got 24 hours
to fill a cabaret spot for tomorrow night.

426
00:32:41,638 --> 00:32:43,836
He'll never do it. I mean,
the word's out now.

427
00:32:43,871 --> 00:32:49,171
He's gotta do something. I've heard
Eugene Macarthy's very much looking forward to it.

428
00:32:49,496 --> 00:32:51,007
Who's Eugene Macarthy?

429
00:32:51,042 --> 00:32:58,028
A local villain and not a very nice man. Rumour has
it that the SAS pays Eugene protection money.

430
00:32:58,606 --> 00:33:00,934
But what the hell's Eugene
gotta do with all this?

431
00:33:00,969 --> 00:33:02,441
- Didn't you hear?
- What?

432
00:33:02,476 --> 00:33:05,424
Eugene owns the Starlite Rooms.

433
00:33:05,459 --> 00:33:08,396
No, no. It's Eric.
Eric owns the Starlite Rooms

434
00:33:08,871 --> 00:33:10,998
Eugene bought him out
three months ago.

435
00:33:11,033 --> 00:33:15,351
Yes, there was no boardroom negotiations,
no offer and counter-offer.

436
00:33:15,386 --> 00:33:19,744
Eugene gave Eric two choices:
Take it or I'll nail you to the door.

437
00:33:20,116 --> 00:33:28,277
Eric - realising that he was dealing with a man who
puts out death sentences on Muslims - took it.

438
00:33:28,312 --> 00:33:31,696
Anyway, tomorrow night is
Eugene's mum's 82nd birthday.

439
00:33:31,731 --> 00:33:35,624
So he's having a party down at the Starlite Rooms 
for her and all the nasties.

440
00:33:38,822 --> 00:33:40,739
Eric's down there at the Starlite Rooms,
ain't he?

441
00:33:41,223 --> 00:33:43,641
Eric is only the manager now though Del.

442
00:33:43,820 --> 00:33:47,798
And part of Eric's
managerial duties is booking the cabaret.

443
00:33:47,833 --> 00:33:50,150
But every time he books the cabaret
Eugene doesn't like,

444
00:33:50,185 --> 00:33:52,925
he probably gets nailed
to the nearest door.

445
00:33:53,251 --> 00:33:55,372
So he came up with a
brilliant solution.

446
00:33:55,569 --> 00:33:59,638
He started employing the
services of local entertainment agencies,

447
00:33:59,673 --> 00:34:04,096
so if Eugene gets displeased
he takes his wrath out on the agents.

448
00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:08,946
The agents all held a meeting at the local
convalescent home

449
00:34:08,981 --> 00:34:11,624
and decided to boycott the
Starlite Rooms.

450
00:34:11,659 --> 00:34:16,898
So unless Eric finds a mug
to supply the cabaret for Eugene's mum's party,

451
00:34:16,933 --> 00:34:20,023
BandQ will be selling another door.

452
00:34:29,438 --> 00:34:34,184
- We're in a bit of bother here, bruv.
- Yeah... We?

453
00:34:35,100 --> 00:34:38,713
We've signed a contract
guaranteeing the cabaret!

454
00:34:39,041 --> 00:34:42,264
I've signed nothing! 
I sweep up and I make the tea.

455
00:34:43,076 --> 00:34:47,927
I've been thinking about that. And I think you ought 
to have a more creative import in this little project.

456
00:34:47,962 --> 00:34:51,693
And I've been thinking and all, 
and I don't wanna more creative input. 

457
00:34:51,728 --> 00:34:55,292
You just gimme the broom,
the teapot and the 50 quid and I'm happy!

458
00:34:55,731 --> 00:34:58,555
- Thank you very much, Rodney.
- It's my pleasure, Derek!

459
00:35:01,522 --> 00:35:02,738
Come in.

460
00:35:04,146 --> 00:35:05,613
Is Del here yet?

461
00:35:06,323 --> 00:35:09,824
I phoned the flat but
there's no reply. Perhaps he's still in court.

462
00:35:09,859 --> 00:35:13,759
- But it's nine o'clock!
- Maybe the jury's still out.

463
00:35:13,794 --> 00:35:17,095
Don't be stupid, Rodney!
He's only been charged with unlicensed trading!

464
00:35:17,130 --> 00:35:18,884
Well, he's ain't here.

465
00:35:19,417 --> 00:35:21,912
- I can't go through with this.
- Why not?

466
00:35:22,099 --> 00:35:24,694
What do you mean, why not?
You were at rehearsals this morning.

467
00:35:24,729 --> 00:35:28,237
You know what happened!
Tony's got a problem.

468
00:35:28,829 --> 00:35:30,449
They might not notice.

469
00:35:30,484 --> 00:35:32,880
Of course they'll notice!
How can they not notice?

470
00:35:32,915 --> 00:35:38,244
You've gotta go through with this for Del's sake!
Eugene Macarthy has sat out there with his mum!

471
00:35:38,279 --> 00:35:40,109
Who's Eugene Macarthy?

472
00:35:40,144 --> 00:35:41,838
He's not nice people.

473
00:35:41,873 --> 00:35:45,825
Well, you go and tell Eugene Macarthy 
and his mum that the cabaret's off!

474
00:35:45,860 --> 00:35:50,730
Me? I'm just the roadie! Sweep up 
and make the tea, that was my instructions. 

475
00:35:51,740 --> 00:35:52,915
D'you fancy a cup of tea?

476
00:35:53,036 --> 00:35:54,153
No, I don't!

477
00:35:54,248 --> 00:35:55,652
- D'you want anything swept up?
- No.

478
00:35:55,687 --> 00:35:57,993
Well, that's me finished here.

479
00:36:13,342 --> 00:36:15,990
- Gordon Bennett.
- Where the bloody hell have you been?

480
00:36:16,025 --> 00:36:20,043
Where have I been?
They've put my case on last.

481
00:36:20,078 --> 00:36:25,098
Then there was a 65 quid fine, 
I realized I'd left me wallet at home.

482
00:36:25,133 --> 00:36:28,710
So I phoned up Sinbad and what does he do?
 He only gets on the bleeding bus!

483
00:36:28,745 --> 00:36:31,014
There I am, banged up in the cells,

484
00:36:31,049 --> 00:36:35,754
and Sinbad is trying to fight his way 
through the Friday afternoon traffic in a bloody bus!

485
00:36:37,375 --> 00:36:41,078
Will you shut up for one 
minute? We have got problems!

486
00:36:41,918 --> 00:36:43,363
Problems? What sorta
problems?

487
00:36:46,500 --> 00:36:50,330
Hello Eugene! 
Very very nice to see you.

488
00:36:50,365 --> 00:36:53,699
Eric informs me that you're
supplying tonight's cabaret?

489
00:36:53,734 --> 00:36:58,675
I hope it's good, Del. It's my old mum's birthday 
and I don't wanna see her disappointed.

490
00:36:59,748 --> 00:37:03,119
Of course not, Eugene. It's gonna be the best,
nothing but the very best.


491
00:37:03,154 --> 00:37:06,655
Would I do anything less
for your dear mother?

492
00:37:06,690 --> 00:37:08,641
Let me introduce my brother...

493
00:37:08,676 --> 00:37:11,599
I'm just the road manager. 
I just sweep up, make the tea...

494
00:37:11,599 --> 00:37:14,439
and I've got nothing to do with the artistic contents
or anything like that.

495
00:37:15,071 --> 00:37:17,828
Well, here's to a good evening.

496
00:37:17,863 --> 00:37:20,439
Yes. Thank you Eugene. Enjoy yourself.
You sit back and enjoy.

497
00:37:26,057 --> 00:37:28,358
Welcome to the cabaret hour!

498
00:37:30,137 --> 00:37:32,159
Before I introduce our star guests this evening,

499
00:37:36,672 --> 00:37:36,709
I just have to say happy birthday, 
Mrs Macarthy - Eugene's mum.

500
00:37:36,744 --> 00:37:38,777
Happy birthday, Lil.

501
00:37:48,358 --> 00:37:53,381
We're proud to present two young British stars 
whose names may not be familiar to you.

502
00:37:53,664 --> 00:37:58,382
However, if you was a resident of a certain town
in Nevada, USA,

503
00:37:58,417 --> 00:38:01,140
their names
would be on the tips of your tongues.

504
00:38:01,972 --> 00:38:06,409
For they have just finished a sell-out season
with Barry Manilow

505
00:38:07,727 --> 00:38:10,793
at the Desert Inn,
Las Vegas!

506
00:38:14,605 --> 00:38:17,111
Where did he get all that
crap from?

507
00:38:19,152 --> 00:38:22,025
What a stupid question.

508
00:38:22,060 --> 00:38:26,538
...they have chosen the Starlite Rooms,
 in Peckham. 

509
00:38:31,006 --> 00:38:38,033
So a warm welcome please for 
Raquel and Tony.

510
00:38:51,209 --> 00:39:00,491
<i> I was alright for a while.
I could smile for a while.</i>

511
00:39:00,709 --> 00:39:05,643
<i> But when I saw you last night,
You held my hand so tight,</i>

512
00:39:05,678 --> 00:39:13,138
<i> As you stopped to say hello,
And though you wished me well,</i>

513
00:39:13,389 --> 00:39:22,860
<i> You couldn't tell,
That I'd been cry...ing, over you,</i>

514
00:39:23,193 --> 00:39:27,116
<i> Cry...ing, over you,</i>

515
00:39:27,741 --> 00:39:36,545
<i> Then you said so long,
Left me standing all alone,</i>

516
00:39:36,778 --> 00:39:43,454
<i> Alone and crying... crying
... crying... crying.</i>

517
00:39:46,683 --> 00:39:51,317
- She's bloody good, ain't she, Rodney?
- Cosmic!

518
00:40:00,528 --> 00:40:09,689
<i> I though that I was over you,
But tell me now, what can I do?</i>

519
00:40:10,097 --> 00:40:20,414
<i> I love you even more, than I did before,
So, dah'ling, what can I do...oo?</i>

520
00:40:21,093 --> 00:40:29,095
<i> You don't love me,
And I'll always be,</i>

521
00:40:29,830 --> 00:40:38,749
<i> Cwy...ing, over you...</i>

522
00:40:40,300 --> 00:40:50,478
<i> Yes, now you are gone,
And fwom this moment on, I'll be cwying.</i>

523
00:40:50,929 --> 00:40:55,904
<i>- Crying. 
- Cwying.</i>

524
00:41:32,775 --> 00:41:34,574
What d'you reckon, then?

525
00:41:38,877 --> 00:41:40,538
I'll see you later.

526
00:41:49,089 --> 00:41:52,219
So how comes you didn't
know he had trouble with his Rs?

527
00:41:54,439 --> 00:41:55,788
'cause he never told me!

528
00:41:55,823 --> 00:41:58,796
All he said was he only
enjoyed singing certain songs.

529
00:41:58,831 --> 00:42:02,859
Can see what he meant now.
He only sings songs without Rs in 'em!

530
00:42:03,244 --> 00:42:05,627
So he chose the songs for tonight?

531
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:11,158
I didn't know, did I? 
God knows what Eugene and his mum's gonna say. 

532
00:42:12,225 --> 00:42:14,372
I never did like that front
door anyway.

533
00:42:18,732 --> 00:42:22,359
You bastard! 
You just walked out and left us!

534
00:42:22,645 --> 00:42:25,916
Well, what else could I do?
I couldn't go over to Eugene's table and say,

535
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:30,248
"That was alright, different weren't it?"
Did you finish the performance?

536
00:42:30,283 --> 00:42:32,858
Oh yes, Derek, we saw it
through to the death.

537
00:42:33,278 --> 00:42:44,005
Please Welease Me, Congwatulations and
The Gween Gween Gwass of Home.

538
00:42:46,751 --> 00:42:50,649
And that was followed by a medley 
of wock 'n' woll!

539
00:42:57,613 --> 00:43:00,465
That is not funny, Wodney - Rodney!

540
00:43:00,873 --> 00:43:02,736
I thought it was hilarious!

541
00:43:02,771 --> 00:43:06,236
I ain't laughed so much since he caught his beard
in the food mixer.

542
00:43:07,870 --> 00:43:12,935
 If that's Eugene,
tell him I've gone to get the hammer and nails!

543
00:43:13,210 --> 00:43:14,332
Who's there?

544
00:43:14,563 --> 00:43:16,908
Can I speak to Mr Twotter?

545
00:43:17,312 --> 00:43:19,389
It's Tony. Let him in.

546
00:43:23,791 --> 00:43:25,403
I've come for my money!

547
00:43:25,579 --> 00:43:29,290
Not now son. I'm up to my eyes in it.
Come back tomorrow.

548
00:43:29,325 --> 00:43:34,871
No, not tomowow. I want my
money now! I did the performance, didn't I?

549
00:43:35,513 --> 00:43:38,875
I did the wepertoire that
you... you insisted on.

550
00:43:38,910 --> 00:43:41,473
But I didn't know you
couldn't pronounce your Rs!

551
00:43:41,508 --> 00:43:42,783
What does that matter?

552
00:43:42,818 --> 00:43:45,837
Matters quite a lot when
you're singing songs with Rs in!

553
00:43:46,203 --> 00:43:52,052
But I don't sing songs with Rs in! And if a song has
got an R in it I change the lywics!

554
00:43:52,087 --> 00:43:54,564
Well, why didn't you change
the lywics tonight?

555
00:43:54,599 --> 00:43:59,498
How can I change the lyrics to Cwying? 
The bloody song's called Cwying!

556
00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:05,707
Tony and I did everything you asked us to do, Del, 
so pay the man his money.

557
00:44:05,915 --> 00:44:07,410
And while you're at it, you owe
me money as well.

558
00:44:07,912 --> 00:44:09,894
Alright sweetheart, 
we'll talk about it tomorrow.

559
00:44:09,929 --> 00:44:12,694
Listen, Trotter, you're not
cheating me!

560
00:44:17,146 --> 00:44:19,283
It's alright for me to
be cheated though, innit?

561
00:44:19,318 --> 00:44:21,083
Who's cheated you?

562
00:44:23,066 --> 00:44:26,437
Him. He's cheating me.
You know what he did?

563
00:44:26,472 --> 00:44:29,687
He charged me �1.40
for bus fares!

564
00:44:29,722 --> 00:44:33,799
It was only when I was putting
me dickie bow on, that I realized he's got a bus pass!

565
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:39,832
And I don't suppose the Starlite Rooms 
is gonna pay me anything after tonight's disaster!

566
00:44:40,356 --> 00:44:42,096
I'm gonna be well out of pocket!

567
00:44:42,131 --> 00:44:44,477
We signed a contwact!

568
00:44:45,931 --> 00:44:52,363
But my brother drew up that contract 
and he put in a get-out claus, didn't you, Rodney?

569
00:44:52,607 --> 00:44:56,171
- No.
- Why didn't you?

570
00:44:56,206 --> 00:44:59,574
'Cos you didn't tell me to.
I ain't a lawyer.

571
00:44:59,575 --> 00:45:04,192
I  sweep up and make the tea, you remember? 
And you owe me 50 quid!

572
00:45:15,870 --> 00:45:17,417
We'll talk about this
tomorrow!

573
00:45:17,452 --> 00:45:19,152
Anything you say, Rodney.

574
00:45:19,475 --> 00:45:24,183
You know what you've got, don't ya, Dewek?
 An 'ism'.

575
00:45:24,218 --> 00:45:27,165
An 'ism'? I ain't got an 'ism', have I Rodney?

576
00:45:27,802 --> 00:45:29,937
Well, there's a lot of
crap in the garage.

577
00:45:30,758 --> 00:45:37,733
You're not alone in your pwejudice.
We've got sexism, wacecism, higheism and ageism.

578
00:45:37,768 --> 00:45:46,916
Well, I'm a victim of pwonunciationism!
I've got a good voice! I've got a good style.

579
00:45:46,951 --> 00:45:53,915
I've got a perfect tone. Just because I pwonouce my Rs
differently from the west of you

580
00:45:54,600 --> 00:46:00,533
I can never be a star! Just because of my
pwonunciation you've dumped me!

581
00:46:00,568 --> 00:46:03,382
What about me? I got lumbered with a 'star' 

582
00:46:04,324 --> 00:46:08,386
whose props come from Lilley and Skinner's
Crown Toppers and Mattesons!

583
00:46:11,182 --> 00:46:16,209
But you can always find another singer.
I'm stuck with my pwoblem.

584
00:46:16,397 --> 00:46:20,206
No one who pwonounces Rs like I do
have ever become successful.

585
00:46:20,241 --> 00:46:22,800
There's Roy Jenkins and
Jonathan Ross.

586
00:46:22,835 --> 00:46:24,918
Exactly...

587
00:46:27,659 --> 00:46:29,532
Doesn't matter... 

588
00:46:32,953 --> 00:46:36,727
- See you, Del.
- Take care, son.

589
00:46:37,741 --> 00:46:40,883
- Waquel.
- Bye, Tony.

590
00:46:41,575 --> 00:46:44,411
- Wodney.
- See you Tony.

591
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:59,943
Well, don't you two look at me like that!
I didn't invent pronunciationism!

592
00:47:00,253 --> 00:47:02,000
It's them out there,
 the public!

593
00:47:02,672 --> 00:47:08,820
If I had my way, I think everyone should be allowed to say 
what they like and how they wanna say it. It's a free country.

594
00:47:08,855 --> 00:47:10,961
Del's right. It ain't his fault.

595
00:47:10,996 --> 00:47:13,237
Thank you, Unc. Help yourself to a brandy.

596
00:47:19,055 --> 00:47:20,916
Hello?
Trotters Independence Tra...

597
00:47:22,122 --> 00:47:24,167
Hello Eugene!

598
00:47:26,850 --> 00:47:29,367
You discovered that then,
did ya?

599
00:47:29,402 --> 00:47:33,191
Funny enough, I was just having a word about that
with my road manager here...

600
00:47:37,136 --> 00:47:41,289
Did she? Well, I can't say I blame
her...

601
00:47:42,771 --> 00:47:46,922
How is she now? Good...

602
00:47:47,888 --> 00:47:57,374
That's alright then, Eugene.  
I'll be round first thing in the morning... 

603
00:47:58,594 --> 00:47:59,963
Bonjour.

604
00:48:02,035 --> 00:48:04,808
D'you wanna hide 
a pair of pliers in your pocket?

605
00:48:07,260 --> 00:48:11,258
He wants to sign you and
Tony up for a five-week contract!

606
00:48:12,286 --> 00:48:14,429
His mum liked you.

607
00:48:14,945 --> 00:48:17,074
- You're kidding?
- No, straight up. 

608
00:48:17,364 --> 00:48:20,606
She reckoned it was the funniest thing 
she'd ever seen in her life!

609
00:48:27,445 --> 00:48:30,424
Just a minute! 
I've got some more bookings for you!

610
00:48:30,590 --> 00:48:34,089
Stick with me, son, 
I'll make you wich!

611
00:48:40,675 --> 00:48:44,526
<i> Subtitles by
NVL</i>